merry christmas
You might not have noticed, but it’s the holiday season again; maybe still, depending on how early you like to get your shopping done. I’m a procrastinator myself - big, appropriate shout out to all my high school teachers - and in my experience that works about as well as the alternatives during this bright-eyed, bushy-tailed shopaholic time of year.
Considering nearly everyone I know is either on the ball or in denial about their incredibly timely holiday shopping, I thought I’d comprise a short list of what this season is like for me.
The cheer: I hate it. And let’s be honest people, who doesn’t. Please note the punctuation; it is not a question. If you for some reason find yourself enjoying the festivity, you need to get checked. Do it for the children.
The music: it’s awful. Most of it reminds me of John McCain’s time in Hanoian solitary confinement. What’s worse, it’s everywhere, constantly. Every coffee shop, every hotel lobby, even a train station in Portland I found myself at over the weekend. See? Prison. Jam a shiv in my ear and call me Lucky.
The gifts: they’re nice, I know, but there are a lot of people in the world that need a glass of fresh water more than your upper middle-class husband needs tivo and a tree ornament that’s used one month of the year. For kids it’s different, and of course it is; they deserve to feel the magic and love the toys, but does Joe in the mail room really need another box of chocolates? This is the same guy that loses your mail and lingers on every short skirt come January.
I think I’m done for now. Emphasis on for now because frankly the closer we get, the more irritating you all become.
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