“game set match = tennis
set match run = arson”
-Demitri Martin

“I’m in a predicament because I like rainbows, but I’m not gay. So if I wear a shirt with a rainbow on it I have to put ‘not gay’ beneath it. But I like gays so beneath that I have to put ‘but supportive.’ I just think it’s weird that one group took refracted light. That’s pretty greedy gays.”
-Demitri Martin

“If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I’d just yell out letters.”
-Demitri Martin

“I saw a transvestite wearing a shirt that said ‘Guess?’”
-Demitri Martin

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my
fishburger and I realize, oh my God….I could be eating a slow learner.”
-Lynda Montgomery

The Spanish version of ESPN: ESPN Deportes